Monday, September 13, 2010

Tween Advice

This week I will be speaking to a group of 10 and 11 year olds on dressing their best self.  I will be giving them advice on what is age appropriate.  I am a firm believer in not wearing makeup until you are 12, and then I think it should be kept to a minimum.  I think that there are rights of passages for tweens and teens, but that might be considered old-school for some.  Girl's need boundaries when it comes to clothing, makeup, tanning (indoor or outdoor), and weight. I will not be discussing these things with girls, but if I was speaking to a group of mothers, I would.  

Me and my sisters camping (I also spy Kjrsten from HACD).  That's a whole lot of frizz going on in one picture!

When my sisters and I turned 12 we could:
  • Shave our legs
  • Pierce Ears-1 piercing
  • Wear mascara and clear or light colored lipgloss
  • Wear nylons (before 12 it was tights only, and now at 28 I'm back to tights only)
I'm curious, what are your rules for your girls, or what will they be?  Do you think that little girls now look too much like big girls?  What advice would you give to 10 and 11 year old girls?  

I had to explain what a tween was to my husband.  I think that word is hilarious!


Madeline said...

I think it's hard to say what rules I will enforce when I have a 12 year old of my own. I remember begging to shave my legs and wear make up starting at 10.

I actually just spoke to a group of YW (12-16) about being fashionable and shopping on a budget. You wouldn't believe how intimidating I found the whole thing. But it was a lot of fun!

Heather said...

I think we had the same rules, and I plan on sticking to those with my girls. I've already got a 4 year old who can't fathom why i don't let her wear make up outside of the house... :)

Angela said...

I think girls should wait until 14 15 range. I have a 15 year old and she cant live with out her eyeliner. I dont get it. She came to live with me at 14 so make-up was already part of her life. I can tolerate mascara and lip gloss but all the eyeliner and eyeshadow is too much for me. Unless it is for a special event.

dandee said...

Holy bangs batman!

Having daughters, I think your rules sound just about right. Our society wants our children to grow up too quickly and I'm all for keeping them children as long as possible. Nowadays, I think mothers are faced with more than just the typical "when do i let my daughter wear makeup?" question. I see girls at the elementary school with highlighted hair, facial piercings + cell phones. Our children are young for such a short period of time. Why do some parents push them into growing up? I'll never know.

NaDell said...

My rules were about the same.
I would tell the Tween girls to dress modestly now, so they don't have to change anything when they suddenly start Young Women's. Sleeveless shirts, short shorts, bikinis, low shirts...
Also make sure they all know that they need to wear deodorant and shower regularly. That BO smell is the worst.

Paula said...

my rules are a combo of my husband's families and those I had when I was young. We decided that at
age 8: can wear nail polish on fingers
age 12: heels, concealer as needed, pierced ears. I am considering moving the earrings up to 8 or 10.
age 14: mascara and lip tint
age 16: dating, full makeup

Maybe I am totally old fashioned, but my girls know that modesty is important. Like it or not, people DO judge us by how we look.

Looks like leg shaving might be something I need to think about! I think that will be adjusted more based on when puberty hits, but not after 12.

Tiffany Fackrell said...

I really have no thoughts on this...well i do, but I am more of a go with the flow sorta girl, not the worldly flow, just my own sort of flow...ya know. ANYWAY, what i wanted to say was...I WISH WITH ALL MY HEART we all could just skip the leg shaving...who ever started that? I HATE THAT RULE!! HAHA i know it would be super gross because we are taught we need to shave, but I HATE DOING IT!! And I ALWAYS get itchy armpits the day or two after, IT STINKS!!! SO BOOO to the person who thought shaving was a good idea!!!!

Tiffany Fackrell said...

oh p.s. I am a tights only girl now too. I say BOOOO to whoever made up nylons too!!! I don't like them!! probably because that would mean I have to shave my legs, hahahhaa!!!

p.s.s. I don't remember having set ages for anything growing maybe that is why i think the way i do, i dunno! I don't even remember when i started wearing makeup!

Meghann said...

I think heels are a no no until about 16, and then just a low heel. The entire point of high heels is to make your legs look long and sexy. That is ridiculous for someone under the age of 16 or so. I think another big NO-NO should be words written on butts or shirts. For example, I think it's the tackiest (and trashiest) when girls wear pants that say someething on the but, or a shirt that says something stupid (I love my boyrfiend) in sparkly letters. Ick. I think teaching girls at a young age to was their face, and wear facial moisturizer kind of scratches the itch for them. It feels rather make-up ish, but it isn't, so maybe that's something to focus on!

tharker said...

Our rules for Hannah thus far are:
* can shave in middle school--she will be turning 12 in 6th grade
(that's next year...crazy!)

* ear piercing at 14--Spencer's rule, I would be fine with age 12

* clear mascara if she wants (she has the longest eyelashes and doesn't need much help there) and lip gloss--age 12

* light plucking of eyebrows--to give a bit of shape...and to be frank, to tame those teddy bear eyebrows that Spencer and I cursed...blessed her with ;)

She already wears deodorant daily and is good about personal hygiene. And she is very conscious of modesty. I love this about her. She knows what is acceptable and more important what makes her feel uncomfortable and is not willing to budge on it. She makes me proud.

NaDell said...

So, I know that you aren't talking about love probably, but one of my friends just wrote a blog comparing lyrics from an old song to a current one and it was just disgusting the difference in how the world thinks.
Her blog is here:

Cooper Squared said...

Okay,I am not a random person. Candace is my good friend here in Texas.

I hate body hair. I think I started shaving in the 4th grade and taught my older sister how to shave. However, I was a hairy little girl and had to wear a uniform skirt every day. I think if my kids are cursed with my hairy genes, that I may allow them to shave a little sooner than 12, but I agree with your guidelines on the other things.

Chelsea said...

Cooper, I can agree that if your kids are hairy, then they should be able to shave. Nothing worst then being made fun of for body hair at that age. However, if their just thin blonde hairs like mine, then I'll probably have them wait. Also, those weren't my guidelines, they were my parents. lol!

LKP said...

as a former dental professional, please moms, don't let your kids walk out of the house without brushing their teeth thoroughly!

remember the movie "big daddy" and the part where he's told he has the smelly kid? yeah. unfortunately society's kids are running a muck and are the smelly kids. it's very hard to have a conversation with a tween nowadays without wanting to wretch because of their breath, or worse what can be seen in their braces! we've become a gruesome group.

so,yes to:
shaving when hairy
brushing teeth thoroughly

as far as rules/ages are concerned, here's what ours are:

modesty always
name-brands hardly ever (unless found at a great 2nd hand shop)

shaving & deodorant when applicable
2x/daily face washing when hormonally applicable
tweezing when applicable

age 12= ears pierced
age 13= perm ok
age 14= minimal make-up & dances ok
age 16= group dating ok
age 17= double dating ok
age 18= hair color & single dating ok
(lucky for us, she won't turn 18 until AFTER she graduates, so we CAN enforce that one! lol.)

if you start teaching your children young though, they don't really feel like they're missing out on anything or that having rules & ages is unfair. it's the way of life. you can ask our daughter, she's got this whole breakdown memorized and has had it so for many, many years now.

happy tween-parenting, ladies!